Increasingly, I am seeing 5:42 in the morning, and this is not right as I have the summer off and there's no reason to experience this fresh and dewy of a morning. While I am a morning person, I am not excessive about it and am not thrilled to be fighting off these heavy eyelids that yet refuse to sleep.
The one good thing about morning is the quiet whistle of birds. I am a big fan of the morning birds. I hope they will sing me back to sleep before the full on sun drives out the pleasant morning dusk of blue and gray in the sky right now.
This very early morning, I am back in Kalamazoo again as I am every weekend and I am very much sick of this drive out here, though it is only a scant 45 miles - not much in the greater scheme of things. But all this travelling - even this short distance - is making me unsettled. Add wedding plans and an upcoming move to a new state nine hours south of here, and you might see the condition of my heart for what it is: a desperate beating thing that is full of love and worry.
I stole that last line. In a colleague's class some time ago, a TESL student used the expression the mind of love and worry to express the English word anxiety. That phrasing has run through my head often when my heartbeat felt a little too bouncy and my legs a little wobbly.
The mind of love and worry. I guess there are worse conditions, and worry is really an enemy. There is no good reason to worry. I might die before the sun comes up and no amount of worrying will improve that situation. Best to just lay myself down and let the birds do their magic.