Thursday, January 24, 2008

On the Write Again

I'm getting closer to writing again, maybe out of desperation, maybe out of looking around at my life and thinking something along the lines of what the fuck am I doing? I even sent out submissions of some things last night, partly thanks to Beth for asking me about an essay of mine. It was one of those nice and bleedingly rare moments when you read some of your old work and you don't need to burn it. Burn it? Nay! This exquisite sample of writing should be alongside the Magna Carta under glass, it so precious and necessary. So I sent it out to some places and contests.

I had a second great moment yesterday. After a second or third beer while watching recorded episodes of Angel on television, I stood up and looked around at my apartment. Let's face it. Generally speaking, I am not the happiest of people, nor the most convinced of my accomplishments and potential. But after those several beers and being a little high on the delightfully satisfying storylines mapped out by Joss Whedon, I looked around my apartment and thought, this is mine. I made this. I pay for it. It's all mine. And then I thought, okay, I might be a little cool. Maybe my life can still be awesome.

And I really want to have an awesome life, but every second seems to push that possibility out of my reach. Every second breathes more concrete into my veins and smoke into the vessels running up and down and across my brain. Paralysis is never immediate.

5 comments:

Cindy St. John said...

Molly not the happiest? If you're not, then what are the rest of us? Misanthropes? And you are so cool.

I'm glad you're thinking about writing again. I wrote the first poem last night in a month.

Foxygen said...

Get out of my head, lady!

Molly said...

Get out of your head? Which part? Do you watch Angel drunk as well?

artemiswinter said...

I know this isn't really the point of your post, but...I love your apartment. :)

Anonymous said...

You are cool, your apartment rocks but if you are feeling empty then none of it matters.

I will do any and every thing I can to help in any way. I struggle with questions about self worth, my purpose on the planet, relationship issues and what gets me through it most all the time is knowing how much support I have. I may not need or want to ask for it but just knowing it is out there makes all the difference in the world.

Just as you make time to care for your physical body you MUST make time for your mental body. If that means writing then go for it....if it means watching reruns of House sober, drunk, alone or with your fav stuffed animal then go for it .....

I hope you have has some time to write today given your University is CLOSED!!!!!!!!!!!

Have fun at AWP ;)
Bethlynn