Saturday, January 3, 2009

Things you think you will never live through, in no particular order

1. Planning a wedding
2. Your first heartbreak at fifteen, realizing for the first time that you'll not marry that one
3. A policeman tapping on a dark, steamed-up car window
4. Your mother's cancer diagnosis, treatment, panicked eyes
5. Confronting your own mortality for the first time when your mother is diagnosed, treated, and panicked
6. People dying young, proving it could be over like the snap of a supple finger
7. A positive pregnancy test
8. Hyper-emesis Gravidarum *
9. Food poisoning from rotten garlic at one of your favorite restaurants **
10. A bad group of girlfriends who put you in a box that is uncomfortable, limiting, quietly cruel
11. Being booed at a basketball game, not realizing the camera was on you and you were supposed to kiss your husband on the Jumbo-tron
12. Hyper-emesis Gravidarum *
13. An egotistical (insert grawlix here) of a teacher who tells you to take a couple years off to spend time with basic grammar books before considering writing again ***
14. A broken engagement to be married after the church has already been booked
15. Lost sisters
16. Reading Madame Bovary
17. Yet another needle coming at you

* I beg you, do not write anything helpful or in a warning tone about Hyper-emesis Gravidarum. I beg you. I plead with you. A little knowledge is far too much right now.

** Let's call it karma. My then-boyfriend found a $50 bill on the ground and took us out for a fancy dinner. Proof positive there is no such thing as a free lunch. Or dinner.

*** Let's assume this teacher does not even know the word grawlix because he's a moronic, beefy asshole who really should retire all those karate outfits he wears to class.


Nik said...

What is your favorite restaurant with rotten garlic?

I hope you're still living through the unimaginable. I'm so excited you've gone public!

Molly said...

One Trick Pony. I can never order pizza from there again.

The unimaginable is fading into the dark abyss of soon-to-be unvisited memories.